By Carol M Creasey
Life is never easy, at the best of times. If you’re born with extra challenges, as my son Philip was, it’s even harder for you. I’ve often tried to imagine how I wouldhave coped in his place, and I really don't know, which is why I think he is remarkable.
He was born with severe learning difficulties, health disorders, and as if that wasn't enough, autism. He was not expected to live past the age of 5 years, but is still with us today at 37, as an endorsement of his courage.
One of the worst things in the world must be not being able to express yourself. How frustrating it must be if you don't feel well, but can't explain it. This is how it was for Philip, because although he understands everything we say to him, he cannot speak.
When he was a small child, it was devastating to see him curl up on the floor in front of me and weep all because he wanted to speak. It absolutely tore at my heartstrings, as I so wanted to understand him.
When he became a teenager, it was even harder. Hormonal changes to his body, that Philip didn't understand, caused him to become aggressive, mostly towards himself, which caused him to self harm, all because he couldn't get himself heard. I suffered with him, and wished I could make everything right, and he would learn to speak.
It was even more heartbreaking when a doctor told me a few years ago that Philip has a detached retina, which goes back years. Nothing can be done about it as it's too late, and Philip couldn't tell us his eye was hurting him. So now he is also blind in one eye.
However, if all of this sounds very depressing, I want to assure you that Philip's determination and strength of character has turned his life around. He no longer gets angry when he can't communicate; he has learned to adjust his life around his disability. Philip has his own version of sign language, which gets him what he wants. His health has improved dramatically, and he is no longer in and out of hospital like before. He is happy, and he enjoys life in his own way. Philip always has a smile on his face, and his inspiration has kept me going. He makes me feel I have nothing to moan about. If he can be happy with all that he has gone through, then so should I.
When you care for someone with a disability, it makes you more aware of others who have a challenging life. Because of this, I was very interested in watching the progress of Gareth Gates when he first appeared on Pop Idol, in 2001. The first thing I noticed about him was that he was musically gifted. But when the music stopped, and he had to speak, my heart went out to this very earnest young man, who wanted to sing so much, but knew that he had to stand there on prime time television, and say something. He also knew that many people would ridicule him, even say that his stammer was put on to get attention, but still, it did not stop him. I was amazed by his courage.
I was to find out later that when he was a child, he wrote songs and sang them to people, as a means of communication. Also, when he took his German GCSE oral exam, thanks to the intervention of his mother, he was allowed to sing it, and this enabled him to pass this exam. No-one knows for sure what causes a person to stammer. It has been suggested that it can be due to a painful experience in childhood that you might not even remember. Sometimes people are just born with a stammer, or stutter, but whatever the reason, it is certainly a very challenging thing to have to deal with. Human beings were born to communicate, it's how we live and function, and it's something that people generally take for granted.
In the early part of Gareth's career, it was accepted that he had a stammer, and therefore he didn't give spoken interviews. And when he did concerts, he spoke to his fans by texting on his mobile phone. But it wasn't long before Gareth decided that he wanted to at the very least, master his stammer, and talk to his fans, and give interviews.
He took time off from his career to enroll on the McGuire programme. He didn't expect his stammer to magically disappear, that doesn't usually happen, but he did want to be in charge of it and not the other way round. He learned a completely new way of breathing, which explained why he didn't stammer when singing. When he had completed the course, he was so grateful for the freedom of being able to express himself, which is why he studied to be a speech coach, so that he could help other people similarly affected.
He passed the exam, and was the youngest person ever in the UK to qualify as a speech coach. He has since led his own courses, which he has somehow managed to do as well as having a very busy musical career. He was recently asked what he felt was his greatest achievement, and he answered without hesitation, “Raising awareness of stammering.” He knows how frustrating it is to be unable to put thoughts into words, so all his other achievements seem to pale into insignificance, when contrasted with the idea that other people can be helped by his example.
Gareth's stammer is not cured, and probably never will be. He has good days and bad days. Interviews are still very hard for him because he has such a busy career, he doesn't always have time to do the warm up exercises. But he has grit and determination, and he does not allow this challenge to stop him from achieving his dream.
I always think people who face challenges like this in life are tremendous fighters, with guts and determination, and a wonderful example to the rest of us. I have met Gareth, and he is a very caring young man, who is so pleased that he can help others, and as he puts it, “Give something back.” As Philip's mother, I am extremely proud of my son, and I know that there are other people out there like these two, who face difficult challenges every day. I applaud them all!
About the Author: Carol M Creasey can be contacted on Triond.
