Stuttering Hub

Discriminated Against for Stammering

I'm of Indian origin.

In the Indian culture there are arranged marriages, where a guy and girl can be introduced to each other through their families or family friends. This is not the same as a forced marriage, where either the man or woman is forced to marry against their will.

I'm single at the moment. I've been thinking about settling down with a nice girl :-) After all, I don't think I want to remain a bachelor my whole life!

So I told my family that I'd try out the arranged marriage thing and see what happens...

This lady we know told my olds about this girl from the same community as me, who was looking to get married.

My mum spoke to this girl's mother. I was passed on her contact details...

We sent a few e-mails, back and forth to get acquainted. I spoke to her over the phone. We didn't really get on... I was not interested...

Anyway, her mum then rings up to speak to mine. Maybe this woman was upset at my not wanting to continue talking to her daughter or I don't know... Maybe she said the following just to be mean...

She said "I didn't know your son stuttered. You didn't tell me".

I was at work, but my mum told me about the comment later on...

I thought it was totally hilarious, and found it really funny! However, I also remembered there was also a serious side to it.

I could easily have seen it, as being discriminated against for being a person who stammers.

And I would probably be right in doing so...

Dependence On Others For Self-Esteem

Having strong self-esteem or self-worth seems to be critical to leading a happy life. But what do we mean exactly when we say having 'strong' when we talk about self-esteem?

Well, it means holding one's own sense of worth highly, having dignity and self-respect. To have a strong sense of self-worth can impact what we can and cannot do. If we value ourselves highly then we may be confident to do the things we really want to... to follow our dreams... to have the strength to overcome challenges in life when they surface.

It's usually easy for such a person to feel good - about themselves, others and just enjoying life in general. If something 'bad' appears to happen, this person usually knows it will pass. If someone criticizes them, they don't take it personally. They still 'hold their heads' up high.

And this is a key thing about such people. Their sense of worth is not dependent on others.

A person who stammers and is struggling with their speech may have a weak sense of self. What is worse is that the person may falsely believe that their self-worth is dependent upon what other people think of them. Their self-worth is conditional on other people, what other people think of them. If other people like them, then the person is happy. If other people disapprove then the person feels sad.

I was the same, and still am in certain situations...

We need to get over this. Well, I think at least try. One key thing needs to be planted into our heads:

Our self-esteem is a given... just being a member of the human race means we are extremely valuable and precious. Our self-worth is unconditional and our worth comes 'within' ourselves.

 

 

 

5 Things 'Fluent' People Need To Know About PWS

Most people in the world are decent people. Most 'fluent' people are good people. This post is not aimed at you. It's more aimed at those who are a bit ignorant when it comes to stammering and also those who may have slightly mean tendancies.

Below are 5 things that ignorant and mean 'fluent' people need to know about people who stutter....

1. Don't think that just because a person stutters, they are stupid - This is a big, big mistake. People who stammer have normal intelligence. If you don't believe me, research has shown this. And if you're like me then you might even have higher levels of intelligence than the average... nah just kidding. By the way if you find yourself having such a thought, just remember that Sir Issac Newton stammered.

2. People who stammer are not shy and nervous - People who stutter can behave in a shy manner and be anxious at times, but so can anyone. Stammering does not equate to being shy and nervous. This is a false stereotype.

3. Making fun of a person because of how they speak shows huge insecurity on your part - This one is simple. Enough said.

4. Being impatient is not winning you any points - Do you find yourself getting impatient if you are speaking with someone who is stammering? What is the rush? Do you need to get to a funeral? Are you normally this impatient with your best friend?

5. You don't need to end our sentences - Ok your intentions might be good on this one, but it can also be related to the impatience point above. Just wait until we finish what we're saying. Conversation is a two way thing right? If you're going to be asking us things, and then answering for us, then you might as well be talking to yourself :-).

Ppppeace out!

Cultural and Ethnic Differences in the Meaning of Stammering. Are There Any?

It appears that no standard definition of culture exists. However the term can be considered to be a set of values, beliefs, attitudes which are shared by a group of people and used to operate in the world.

The term difference of course is more obvious. Humans naturally look for differences to compare things, situations, and people, and of course, culture.

Now, people from all cultures and ethnic backgrounds can stutter. But do those cultures give different meanings to the stuttering that some of their members do?

Throughout history various types of cultural and social theories have tried to explain the 'origins' of stuttering. However it seems there is a lack of research into the prevalence of stammering, and its treatment within minority communities.

A few studies have that have been conducted reveal mixed results. For instance, studies have shown that there were no major differences in disfluencies between African-American children and White children.

What is apparent is the need for more cross-cultural studies into stammering. If anything interesting crops up, I'll keep you informed.

The Role of a Speech Therapist

I’m sure a person who wishes to see a speech therapist for their stuttering has an idea of what they would want from an ideal speech therapist. According to Renée Byrnes’ in her book Let’s talk about stammering: Information and Practical Help for All Ages, good speech therapists are those that can help a person uniquely, can help them to gain more confidence in themselves and help establish better ways of speaking. Competent professionals should then be able to assist people in the transfer of their new speaking skills, into the real world and help maintain them. Having spoken to friends in the community and through my own experiences, it seems that what is learnt during therapy can be applied in practice (although this may be difficult for some people also). However, maintenance is notoriously difficult! How many have you found this phase of therapy very frustrating? It would be interesting to learn more about how speech therapists really do help with such a key phase as maintenance. What have some of your experiences been like?

The Fallible Focus on Fluency

A person who stutters wants to be fluent. I can appreciate this. But sometimes I feel that within the community too much emphasis is given just on fluency alone. This is understandable though. A young child/person just coming to grips with his/her stuttering will focus primarily on gaining fluency. I used to be the same.

However, it is well recognised that to address stuttering effectively, it’s important to look at many aspects of the person’s life. There are a number of very useful models out there. A person can use such models to identify areas of their lives they could improve. One particular model is John Harrison’s Stuttering Hexagon model (http://www.neurosemantics.com/Stuttering/recovery-stuttering.htm).

Check it out; maybe we could discuss its pro’s and con’s.

Are you sure you want to be fluent?

What are you talking about, you may say? What kind of question is that? Are you crazy? Of course I want to be fluent! If I was fluent then I could say whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. If I was fluent then everything in my life would be perfect.

But are you sure this is what you really want? On the surface, it may seem like you have everything to gain from being fluent. But have you considered what you may lose as a result of you becoming it. For instance:

·         You can no longer make excuses not to go out just because you fear you will stutter in a social situation.

·         You may have become extremely (and comfortably) dependent on a partner, brother, sister or mother to do any speaking for you. Well, you can no longer rely on such individuals to talk on your behalf like you used too.

·         You might actually have to start answering the telephone?

We usually think about all the things we have to gain by overcoming stuttering. But are there also things that you may lose?

What is your list of things to lose?

Are you ready to lose them?

Let’s spark some debate! J